THE UNION JACKAL!

2003-01-16T02:57:00.000-08:00

WE WERE POOR, BUT WE WERE 'APPY 1
Times are thin at Jackal Towers, and I am reduced to skulking round dustbins for food. However, one outrage has come to my myopic attention. The Edge of England's Sword a fine UK blog, has had its proprietor sacked for blogging. For right-wing blogging, more like. If it had been a touchy-feely, multi-culti, leftie dribble-fest, I suspect the fellow in question would be in employment still. Go and give him some money; he has a wife and cub to support.

2002-12-17T05:15:00.000-08:00

THIS IS A MAN'S WORLD
How come there aren't more protests about this sort of nastiness from the Ya Ya Sisterhood, or whatever feminist martinets are calling themselves this week? The saddest thing about this tawdry tale is this, from Pakistan's token Human Rights(TM) gal:

Hyat said more such incidents were inevitable unless the government took tough steps to ensure women's rights were upheld.

What, like renouncing the retarded religion that is Islam? Ain't gonna happen any time soon, girl.

2002-12-13T09:43:00.000-08:00

SAFE EUROPEAN HOMES
Have a shufti at this. This is exactly why it is correct to hate Europe. Can you name the last famous Euro-integrationist? Here's a clue; he had a tiny moustache, silly, diagonal hair, and he was (almost) called Adolf fucking Hitler.

2002-12-13T07:43:00.000-08:00

IF ADOLF HITLER FLEW IN TODAY THEY'D SEND A LIMOUSINE ANYWAY
Have a little look at this. The Union Jackal will be removed from the Internet if Neuropean [sic] Union legislation becomes a reality. For racism, among other things, but certainly for the new, Orwellian crime of 'hate speech'. But this pus is leftie-endorsed. The reason I hate the left so much is that they hand it to the far right on a platter. Cunts©.

2002-12-13T03:31:00.000-08:00

BIGMOUTH STRIKES AGAIN
Abu Bakir Bashar is a nasty little fucker. Pop over to this piece to catch up on his evil raving. Here's a clip:

In Islam there is no word for hands up, there is no word for surrender, there are only two things, win or die

Okay scumbag. Death it is, then. Death to you and every other medievalist reality-dodger who invests time and energy on the wacko envy-project that is Islam. Your religion is not worthy of respect, and you are a laughable – albeit dangerous – ubercretin. So says the Union Jackal!

2002-12-10T07:18:00.000-08:00

DEATH IN THE AFTERNOON

A video review from Front Page Magazine. It's a little taster of justice in Iran. Here's the main skinny:

Since the inception of the Iranian theocratic dictatorship, hundreds of men and women of various ages have been stoned to death throughout Iran, all in the name of Mohammed and the Koran.

The religion of peace, eh? Dontcha just love it?

2002-12-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

GET UP STAND UP
An excellent piece in the National Review Online, by Jonah Goldberg, on Muslim quietism in the face of terrorism. Here is a morsel of the eminently sensible points made therein.

All around the world, Muslims are declaring, in the name of Islam, that they are at war with the West. More important, all around the world self-declared Muslims are actually waging war on the West. They may be a tiny minority of the global Muslim community. I have no doubt that's true. But if the decent and peace-loving Muslims of the world sit on their hands and do nothing, you can hardly fault many in the West who draw the conclusion that Islam is anything but peaceful.

The onus is on the Muslim world to convince the West that there is no Holy War going on, not vice versa.

2002-12-06T07:21:00.000-08:00

THIS IS ENGLAND
British Muslims have been polled by the Telegraph and YouGov – with almost predictably sinister results. Note to British Government: stop pussyfooting around with the Muslim community. We want to know, a propos Dubya, whether you're with us or the terrorists. If you're with them, fine. You want to live in the 7th century, peachy creamy. But not here please. We're trying to get on with the 21st.

2002-12-06T04:12:00.000-08:00

IF YOU TOLERATE THIS THEN YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE NEXT
Isn't the Muslim world great? If you want to see what the discerning joung jihadi will be playing with this year, have a deco at the toy department. Real cool, huh? Have yourself a shariah little Christmas, fuckos.

2002-12-05T09:19:00.000-08:00

OK BY ME IN AM-ER-I-CA!
The BBC is still keeping adhesively to its remit to educate and inform, I notice. Run your baby-blue eyes over this just-for-fun international hatred quiz. It's got to do with hatred of America, and tries its best to gloat at that phenomenon in a standard BBC gesture. This kind of stuff can raise a snigger, as in the section where we are informed that 'the survey also revealed that opinions about the US were "complicated and contradictory", with people at the same time embracing American things and decrying US influence on their societies.' Hate the Great Satan – love the trainers and fizzy drinks and (c)rap music. That's not 'complicated and contradictory'. Give the famed European nuance a rest. It's hypocrisy and ignorance, Islamist bywords. The curious thing about the whole deal is this: if the same questionnaire were to be conducted in the UK, for example, with reference to dislike of and anger with Islam, the results would look fairly tolerant. But that would be misleading. There are plenty of people who, down in that little room where Graham Greene said that we think what we really mean, neither like nor wish to tolerate Islam in its pragmatic manifestations. But because of the prevailing PC culture – the same culture which is becoming increasingly hypostatised as Euro legislation – they wouldn't dare admit it to a questioner. The implications of this? When it comes to culture and religion, there is now more freedom of speech in the supposedly oppressive Islamic world than there is in the West. History will record this as a defeat for the allies. Thankyou, liberals everywhere.

2002-12-04T09:14:00.000-08:00

YOU GOTTA ROLL WITH IT
Mwahahahahahahaha! Bwahahahahaha! Woooooohhaaaahhhaaahhhaaaaa! I know this happened yesterday, but it is still sweet to mine eyes. Just when the media seems all doom and gloom, Monkey Boy gets his fucking teeth kicked in. Apparently, it was an unprovoked attack. What? The neanderthal, third-division Status Quo, whining shite that infests any of the band's albums is provocation enough for anyone. Maaaaaaahahahahahahaha!

2002-12-04T07:27:00.000-08:00

EVERYTHING MUST GO
Someone tried to make it a genuine Buy Nothing Day at IKEA stores in Holland. But a police spokesman said that they didn't believe that it was a terrorist attack, so that's all alright then. It doesn't matter that there have been specific threats made to the Dutch by, among others, Sheikh Omar Bakri Muhammad, an Islamofascist currently relaxing here in London. It doesn't matter that the Netherlands has the most steadily rising Muslim population in Al-Europa. It doesn't matter that Islamofascists are planning outrages on a near-daily basis. I wonder who it was, then. The shortlist so far:

a. The Salvation Army
b. Paul Burrell, former royal butler
c. A Fame Academy loser
d. Roy Keane

Smarten up, arseholes. This is appeasement by any other name. Thus speaks the Union Jackal!

2002-12-04T03:30:00.000-08:00

A NEW FACE IN HELL
What's this? A new British political party?Push off to their website and see what you think. But who's behind this attempted putsch, if putsch is the word I want? Mystery men. As The Telegraph reports, a press statement opined that 'If the individuals concerned were to be identified it would simply result in the debate being overtaken by the background of these people.' Oooooh, don't tease! Who are these political young Turks? Osama bin Laden, Liam Gallagher, Nicholas van Hoogstraten and Roy Keane, the Jackal can reveal... Party on, dudes!

2002-12-04T03:03:00.000-08:00

THE SECRET LIFE OF ARABIA
Well, now. Saudi Arabia thinks it's being 'unfairly maligned' and that there is Saudi bashing in da house according to Reuters. Somebody had better restrain Mark Steyn when he reads about the 'The Saudi efforts to combat terrorism, as described at [a] news conference and in an official nine-page booklet, include:

Freezing $5.6 million in assets in 33 accounts held by three individuals; overall, the United States and its allies have frozen more than $113 million in assets worldwide held by suspected individuals, groups and businesses;

Setting up a "high commission" for oversight of all charities, and drafting procedures, which are not yet finalized, to manage Saudi charitable contributions and donations to ensure that they do not get diverted to terrorism;

Establishing new guidelines and procedures, including financial controls, to ensure "terrorist" organizations do not get access to funds from Saudi charitable groups in future;

Questioning more than 2,000 people and detaining more than 100 suspected of possible involvement in terrorism.'

Huzzah! All they need is a 'terrorism tsar', and it'll be just like a British governmental response to trouble. I've got a feeling that, after Iraq is tamed, the House of Saud is next...

2002-11-29T11:06:00.000-08:00

FUN, FUN, FUN
Another piece of the Risk board goes the wrong colour over in

2002-11-29T09:55:00.000-08:00

WORLD IN MOTION
Pay attention, 007. This is an excellent piece, by Andrew Sullivan, on the Miss World shenanigans. The following cuddly little (un)soundbite is culled from it. '"What we are saying is that the holy Koran has clearly stated that whoever insults the Prophet of Islam, Mohammed, should be killed," Umar Dangaladima Magaji, the Zamfara state commissioner, told Reuters.' So, that's all alright then. Well, I'm a bit tired of life, so I may as well dial-a-fatwa. Now hear this: The Union Jackal clearly states that Mohammed was a kiddy-fiddler and a psychotic, with pronounced personality disorders and a genuine problem with metaphysics. Compared with Buddha, Confucius, Christ and the rest of the gang, Mohammed is the Les Dennis of religious belief. There; that should do it. [The Jackal laughs his singular, rasping laugh into the desert night...]

2002-11-29T08:17:00.000-08:00

LIFE DURING WARTIME 2
The entry before last was supposed to have a link to a piece on Islamist fifth columnists but suicide gremlins struck at the vital point. Let's try again.

2002-11-28T09:22:00.000-08:00

We note with distaste chez Jackal that Salman Rushdie is enjoying a revived status as anti-Islamist provocateur avant la lettre, courtesy of the fatwa which hovered over his thinning pate after The Satanic Verses 'insulted' Lil' Mo. Nice to see that Taki has been spilling Champagne down Rushdie's evening dress in The American Conservative. Ignore the rest of the piece; it's just Taki trying to get some old Nazi off the hook. We like Taki at Jackal Towers though, because he talks about 'The Blair Gang' and 'Harry Bin Laden'. Most amusing.

2002-11-28T08:08:00.000-08:00

LIFE DURING WARTIME
The Fascist British authorities have once again fallen foul of the brave Guardian resistance fighters. This time, it appears the BritBosch© have been denying human rights left, right and centre by shaking down some Islamic tin-rattlers>. Oh dear, you poor lambs. Now, there are an awful lot of British Muslims who would be perfectly happy if charity money was being funnelled back to Al Qa'eda – as it undoubtedly is. That's why the authorities are checking out your 'charities'. You're in Britain now, Allah-heads. We're at war with some of your people. Please stop complaining all the fucking time because we're desperately trying to head off our own 9/11 which, unfortunately, is all too imminent. We expect The Guardian to whine about any statist action that doesn't involve acceptable levels of multicultural 'respect' and a lesbian buffet. Perhaps it's time we had clear levels of expectation as regards which British Muslims are genuinely charitable, and which are

2002-11-27T09:42:00.000-08:00

Chimp culture strikes back! Antipodean pop chantoozy and celebrity sibling Dannii Minogue has dared to subvert the pop-star script. Now, as you know, it's pretty much axiomatic that, as soon as a pop star gets a soapbox, they act exactly like politicians. That is, they evaluate their electorate and say exactly what the mean average of those people would expect to hear. Which is why so many of them talk utter bollocks. But little Dannii has refreshingly honest views, I find. I may have my man purchase some of her long-players for the Jackal Towers gramophone. Incidentally, why is the restaurant bill mentioned? I hope Dannii didn't take GQ's money. Simon Kelner is a pious wanker, like all men's publishers (although James Brown deserves honourable mention for his Mussolini gag) and GQ is a tit-mag for office boys. I hope Kelner gets car-jacked and then mugged on the way home. By Dannii.

2002-11-25T10:30:00.000-08:00

Fuck my old boots. P Diddy 'raps media' over AIDS. "Once you know about it, you are almost an accessory to the genocide if you don't do anything about it." Now, Mr Diddy satirises himself, and there's no need to expend time and processor-life chasing his absurdities down. Genocide, bro'. Wack wordage. And all the little kiddies being taught about HIV are now accessories to the carnage. Except to those African leaders who don't believe HIV causes AIDS, but thinks the white man does. What's more interesting is this new pop-stars-as-moral-messengers routine. Saint Bono steams into the West over Africa. Geri Halliwell gigs for the UN. Sting's off on one. Sarandon 'n' Streisand are burning their American flag bras. Right, we're going to start applying this principle a bit closer to home. This week: Morrissey sorts out the fire strike.

Union man: We are still basically unhappy that our demands of a 400% pay rise – in line with our exploited South American brothers' inflation rates – have not been met.

Morrissey: And heaven knows I'm miserable now.

UM: Well, we're none too happy. The FBU has, in the past, been exploited by being deemed to be a non-striking union.

M: Oh, a crack on the head is what you get for not asking.

UM: And it is time to throw off the shackles of big business and globalism and various huge, dark, right-wing conspiracies, and stake our claim for what is rightfully ours. And then some.

M: And a crack on the head is what you get for asking.

UM: Furthermore, we reject government claims that homes are being put at risk by the use of Victorian hand-pump engines manned by Gulf War II – undoubtedly being fought for oil – troops.

M: Oh, but it's not my home,
It's their home
And I'm welcome no more.

UM: Indeed, we are confident that no one is at risk as the result of the industrial action forced on our union.

M: Dizzy! Dizzy dizzy!
Hairdresser on fire!

Etc. continues in similar, amusingly satirical way.

Piss off Diddy. You're a gun-worshipping, clown-trousered charlatan. Bo!

2002-11-22T02:20:00.000-08:00

And now, the bikini section. Lordy. What's going to happen at this year's ShariahBabes© Miss Wet Burqua competition? Doesn't bear thinking about.

2002-11-21T09:30:00.000-08:00

Those of you who subscribe to the view that Reuters is a right royal pain in the tits might imbibe an agreeable draught of schadenfreude on hearing that the company is laying off 50 journalists – 2% of its worldwide staff. Its share price is also at a 12-year low. This news is from the November 22 dead wood issue of the journos' weekly tattle-sheet, the Press Gazette but doesn't seem to have made it into their on-line version. I don't know, what's journalism coming to? Reuters on the way down, blogging on the increase... I blame the parents.

2002-11-21T06:46:00.000-08:00

Cocktails, whisked as they were to my side by the retainer, were bloody necessary, I can tell you, as an attempted palliative for the throbbing, pulsing vein in my temple that begins its insistent samba every time I come across what's laughably called 'political correctness'. While the pinball wizard remains at large (see below) to spew his bad metaphysics from a North London mosque, at least the rozzers have jugged someone for hate speech. Samizdata alerts us all to the hate that lurks in the countryside. Christ all fucking mighty. We shouldn't be banning hunting, we should be extending its range to include anyone who believes that Robin Page is a bad guy while the wiz just represents a different culture. Wankers.

2002-11-21T04:31:00.000-08:00

Don't look now, but the pinball wizard is back in the news and is just as lovable as ever. This fucker really is as good an example as any of why the war on terrorism is not going to be a cakewalk. The problem is that the war isn't just against medieval clowns who want women dressed in sacks and Cliff Richard stamped out (along with the demon skiffle, I shouldn't wonder); it's also against the liberal emasculation of any coherent defensive legislation that might keep the likes of the pinball wizard in chokey instead of infecting Finsbury Park, a charming part of London Town and proximal to the current home of my own, beloved, Arsenal Football Club. Incidentally, one factual error in this Reuter-doister of a tale; the wiz did not lose his hands to a landmine. In fact, he did it stunt-curling, something else which shariah law makes compulsory. Think about that, middle England. And there's the little, tinkling bell that alerts me to the cocktail hour at Jackal Towers. Basta!

2002-11-18T23:54:00.000-08:00

Ah, good morning. The first news item that greets me this morning is from Pravda. The BBC, I mean. The lead item on Radio 3's 7.30 round-up is that paedophiles are to be watched more closely, both generally and on leaving prison. Well, isn't it good to know that? The Socialists can't do a thing about the Irish problem, having all but fellated Adams 'n' McGuinness, Al'Qaeda could drop by any time with a Samsonite surprise for one of our big cities, England is a sociopath's paradise, and we've got thousands of untraceable chums from Eastern Europe and suchlike all eager to join in. But at least the paedophiles are being watched. Blair was clever, as is customary, in tapping the pulse of the people over paedophiles. The trouble is, many of those are of the capacity of the goat-people who attacked a house, spraying 'paedo' on the wall, which was actually inhabited by a paediatrician. If you're going to sup with the British People, Tony, you'll be needing a fucking long spoon for some of them. See you anon!

2002-11-18T11:39:00.000-08:00

Right then. [Clears throat, taps microphone]. This is the lair of the Union Jackal, English weblog rube and all-round newcomer to the Blogosphere. As I still have my stabilisers on the back wheel, I'll just post away and see how we get on.

2002-11-18T06:32:00.000-08:00

If you're going to publish something on a weblog for the first time, always be sure to post it twice, that's our motto. Now; what does this button do, I wonder?

2002-11-18T05:19:00.000-08:00

What's this? My faithful family retainer tells me we now have something called a 'weblog'. This marvel of the modern age is, apparently, to be 'built' and, furthermore, 'designed', so doubtless the tranquility of Jackal Towers is about to be shattered by packs of raucous, blustering mechanicals getting in the way and dropping things on each other's heads and feet. Gah!